Monday, October 1, 2012

"Dear Mom" Mondays #1

I am sure everyone has noticed already but I am just going to flat out say that I love themed days. It gives my life a little structure and my blog a little direction.

During the month of October I will be doing a test run of "Dear Mom" Mondays.

As most of you know, I lost my mom four years ago to cancer. It has been a rough ride but I have started to make peace with the idea that she would want me to be happy.

There are so many days that I want to just call her up and tell her so many random things.

I know she will never read this, or maybe they do have the Internet where ever she is, but I think it would make me feel better if I could just get these thoughts out of my head.

If you do not like the next four Mondays let me know! Your feedback is valued here!

Dear Mom,
I had an "OK" day at work today. Someone got fired and we had to pick up all of the shifts he had. My days off were cut way down for this month but that is OK because I want to work and make money. I will have a new house to furnish soon.

We had a dog today that looked just like Abby. She was old but there was no way it was her. She would be 24 years old now! I even called the dog Abby out loud on accident once. I like to think that maybe Abby was her mom or grandma.

I know you already know by now but Grandpa Sonny joined you and Grandpa Jerry there. Another guardian angel to look down on me. I hope you guys found each other and enjoy watching me grow up. I am excited to see you again one day. I miss your smile and laugh.

There has been a lot of pressure lately about kids and marriage. With Travis and Alyssa getting married the question always is "When is it your turn?" I want to get married. Really bad. But I know that the timing is not right and that one day it will be perfect. I don't think a time will ever be perfect for kids though. People keep asking about it and I just honestly don't want them.

Working with them since high school has been fun but the fact that you can leave them every day when you get off is the best part. I don't really want the responsibility of another life. Call me selfish. And what if I, Trav, or the child gets sick. Cancer is so common in our family. I am scared. I would never want my child to go through what I went through when I lost you. I really think kids are just not in our life plan. I want dogs.

I know you see me and I know you see what I have been up to physically but there is so much in my head that I want to share with you.

Seeing Grandma was good. Remember when I use to say that I wish I could blend my Iowa life and my Texas life together? Well now I wish that even more. Iowa weather, Texas location, Iowa houses, Texas income, Iowa River, Texas beaches, both families and friends. I wish that more now than ever. As I have gotten older I have realized how much family means. I wish I could see them all at least once a week but that would be a hefty airfare bill.

I guess I will let you go now. As much I hate to. It was good catching up.

love always and forever

Like I said before followers, if you don't like this segment let me know and it will end with October. I know that I feel better after getting some of that stuff off of my chest though.

I am FOR SURE adding two wreaths to the Etsy store tonight and if I feel creative and motivated enough I may even do my quilt how-to!

I am uploading a vlog right now. Check it out later.

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