Monday, November 19, 2012

Dear Mom Monday

Dear Mom,
I am an emotional wreck. I can not believe that I am feeling the way I do and what is the cause of it.

I am about to get real nerdy real fast.

Twilight is over.

A whole era, a whole life, a whole story is over.

I am so pathetic but this is really how I feel. Twilight was there for me through so much. It gave me something to escape to when things got bad.

When I lost you I turned to it. I read the whole series over and over just so I could escape to a world where everything was perfect. Where people didn't say goodbye.

I can't believe four years ago I was sitting in my room reading the whole saga in one weekend. The excitement of the midnight premieres, the interviews with the cast, the adrenaline of the red carpets. All gone.

That world isn't real anymore. There is nothing to look forward to except for the DVD release the my cousin so nicely pointed out.

I am so that girl right now. The one that is embarrassed about writing how she truly feels because it is so pathetic.

I wanted to be a part of it so bad. I wanted to go to California, see the stars, be a part of something bigger than me, but it never happened.

The closest I got was meeting two of the werewolves...

Anyways, overall it was a good  movie. It was probably the best one of the all. The production, cgi, and even the acting was better.

And I would just like to say, for the record, that at the end, I knew the whole time. I even leaned over and told my boyfriend. Ask him.

Other than being overly emotional over a damn franchise, this Monday has been normal. Work was crazy and is only going to get worse and Thanksgiving is Thursday.

We went to the deer lease last weekend, I know how you love that. lol. Yea, I know. You hate it.

No luck though. We all came back empty handed.

Dad is going back this weekend but I am staying home with the girls. I think we are having a scrapbook party.

I love you Mom. The holidays are always so rough. It feels like sometimes my short life with you in it was all just a dream. That it happened some other time, in another lifetime.

I miss you so much. I think about you everyday. I think about your laugh, your smile, your personality that I hope shines through me.

Sometimes I cry, like now. I don't think they are fully sad tears though. Majority of them probably are but I like to think that some of them are filled with happy memories. Memories that make me so happy that I want to cry.

I know I already said it but I don't think I could ever say it enough. I miss and love you so much. My life is so incomplete without you. You were my link to so many things. People, places, knowledge. You took so much with you.

I would do so much just to have one more day with you. I know everyone says that about a lost loved one but you don't truly understand it until you feel it yourself.

I would do anything to be sitting on Grandpas deck with you, him, dad, grandma, Aunt Sheila, T, Allie, Grandpa Sonny, Grandma Bev, and pretty much everyone I love. I wish I could jump into my old home videos and sit in each one of yall's lap to watch the Christmas Boat Parade or the Houston Thanksgiving parade.

I miss my old life. The one when I am 4 and in my eyes everything was perfect. The one where you were here. Healthy, happy, and brunette.

I love you mom.

love always and forever,

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