Friday, July 29, 2016

Random Friday

It really is just a random Friday. The school year is about to start and here I am thinking about how I can restart  my routines, get my life together again.

If getting my life together means pulling an all nighter so I can get my sleep schedule back on track and binge watching Hart of Dixie, then yep, that is what I am doing.

No, I haven't posted in a long time but I told you all that I was not promising posts and definitely was not committing to a posting schedule.

I do want to start posting things again, and I will. I have done a lot of projects and I have had a lot to say. Hopefully, I can find time to share all of it with you all.

Right now, I just had some feelings and thoughts that I wanted to put into writing.

I am currently sitting in my craft room and when I turn to my right, I see a portrait of my dad, mom and I when I was only a few months old. It makes my heart hurt. I think about my mom all of the time but in a rare moment this happens. My heart just wants to self pity itself sometimes.

My thought tonight is that it isn't fair. It isn't fair that I didn't get more time with her. Let's say that the average lifetime is 100 years. That means I only got to spend 1/5 of my life with her. Most people get to at least spend 3/5 of their lives with their parents. Why did I get the short end of the stick? I do still have my dad and I appreciate every moment I get to spend with him. Sometimes a girl just needs her mom though.

It seems like a totally different life to me sometimes. 8 years have made it feel like eternity since I have got to see her. I pray for her every night. I pray that her and both of my grandpas are okay where ever they are and that they know how much I love them and miss them so.

Life has no meaning if you don't believe in something and I truly believe that I will get to hug them all again. One day, I will get to see them again.

Boy does it hurt to look at her smiling face, but it also makes me content. I am thankful for every moment I got to spend with her. I am thankful for everything she sacrificed to give me everything I needed/wanted. I am so grateful for the love she gave me and the traits she instilled in me. Oh my gosh I miss her.

I'll never say I miss her or love her more than anything enough. My heart will never be healed from her absence, but I will go on. I have to, I know this. I just miss her.

Well that is enough sadness for this random Friday. I have baby shower prep, dance company auditions, and garage sale preparations to accomplish today. If I wasn't busy, I wouldn't be me.

I will see you all soon.

love.

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